Married to a chef.

I have a chef for a husband. Our love story goes way beyond that one fact but our life now revolves around the fact that he has to work 60+ hour weeks while missing out on so much of our family life. Complaining about it and having a little pity party is so easy to do, especially when I'm home alone the majority of the time and I have to carry a lot of the "home life" jobs. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel bad for myself now and then but recently I've decided that having a negative outlook on my husbands career is hurting everyone. I chose to support him when he picked this career path many years ago and I've been so proud of him through his journey, moving up so quickly is a huge accomplishment, something worth celebrating.

A perk- visiting Cafe Chloe for my birthday brunch, spoiled by the Chef

It can be a lonely time though. We see him on his 2 days off and then a few hours here and there, the boys ask about him and I have to go to a lot of events by myself. I know there are others out there that have a harder situation or a different setup that is much worse, but where we are right now, for me, is hard.  Choosing to be happy and optimistic is not an easy thing to do. But knowing what is important in our marriage and family has made a big difference, here are somethings that I think would be helpful in any marriage but in ours specifically I plan to start fresh. Keep us in your prayers as we continue on the journey God has placed us in!

..Remind him all the time that I'm proud of him. He works hard for us and he's reached some big goals in his career. I want to remember to tell him that all his hard work has been a blessing to us. That our boys get to grow up and know that their dad is a hard worker, he sets an amazing example for them. His job is not an easy one but I know it should be something to be proud of.

..Never talk about how much he's gone to the children. We miss him all the time, but I specifically don't say the words "Daddy is never home." to my boys. We talk about him and talk about what we can do with him when he's home but we don't discuss him being gone a lot. Of course N does say he misses him but that's a normal emotion. There's no anger there, just missing someone we love.

..Make time for each other. This is the hardest thing to do, I don't want to take him away from the boys and I feel like we would be doing that if we leave them when dad is home. But this goes back to making your marriage the priority. We can't raise children together if our together isn't working. We had a real rough patch awhile back and getting back to a good place was hard. It all has to do with making your spouse a priority. We have also recently joined a marriage lifegroup where you get to grow a stronger marriage. The support from other couples is amazing and it's such an answer to prayers. God is doing amazing things there.

..Try to keep the complaining to a minimum. I know how hard this is!! They come home and we just want to unload. MAN today was rough! The kids are driving me crazy! I'm so tired! (I am guilty of all of those) but instead of making it come out like "I hate my life and you did this to me" I try to say "Hey- my day was really rough, can we talk about it for a minute?" then I do unload but more like telling him about our day then just spewing complaints at him. After my turn I make sure to ask him about his day, listen and respond to any issues that he may be dealing with. It's hard to find the time but even 3 or 4 times a week to just connect like that has made a difference. Oh and don't forget those date nights! We try for one a month- although I think we are overdue for one now!!

Doing these things have been helping me get through a frustrating time. I would love to hear any more suggestions on a happier marriage! Chef job aside- everyone has their own struggles, I know there is no perfect marriage, having community in other wives can be such an amazing thing.