Married to a chef.

I have a chef for a husband. Our love story goes way beyond that one fact but our life now revolves around the fact that he has to work 60+ hour weeks while missing out on so much of our family life. Complaining about it and having a little pity party is so easy to do, especially when I'm home alone the majority of the time and I have to carry a lot of the "home life" jobs. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel bad for myself now and then but recently I've decided that having a negative outlook on my husbands career is hurting everyone. I chose to support him when he picked this career path many years ago and I've been so proud of him through his journey, moving up so quickly is a huge accomplishment, something worth celebrating.

A perk- visiting Cafe Chloe for my birthday brunch, spoiled by the Chef

It can be a lonely time though. We see him on his 2 days off and then a few hours here and there, the boys ask about him and I have to go to a lot of events by myself. I know there are others out there that have a harder situation or a different setup that is much worse, but where we are right now, for me, is hard.  Choosing to be happy and optimistic is not an easy thing to do. But knowing what is important in our marriage and family has made a big difference, here are somethings that I think would be helpful in any marriage but in ours specifically I plan to start fresh. Keep us in your prayers as we continue on the journey God has placed us in!

..Remind him all the time that I'm proud of him. He works hard for us and he's reached some big goals in his career. I want to remember to tell him that all his hard work has been a blessing to us. That our boys get to grow up and know that their dad is a hard worker, he sets an amazing example for them. His job is not an easy one but I know it should be something to be proud of.

..Never talk about how much he's gone to the children. We miss him all the time, but I specifically don't say the words "Daddy is never home." to my boys. We talk about him and talk about what we can do with him when he's home but we don't discuss him being gone a lot. Of course N does say he misses him but that's a normal emotion. There's no anger there, just missing someone we love.

..Make time for each other. This is the hardest thing to do, I don't want to take him away from the boys and I feel like we would be doing that if we leave them when dad is home. But this goes back to making your marriage the priority. We can't raise children together if our together isn't working. We had a real rough patch awhile back and getting back to a good place was hard. It all has to do with making your spouse a priority. We have also recently joined a marriage lifegroup where you get to grow a stronger marriage. The support from other couples is amazing and it's such an answer to prayers. God is doing amazing things there.

..Try to keep the complaining to a minimum. I know how hard this is!! They come home and we just want to unload. MAN today was rough! The kids are driving me crazy! I'm so tired! (I am guilty of all of those) but instead of making it come out like "I hate my life and you did this to me" I try to say "Hey- my day was really rough, can we talk about it for a minute?" then I do unload but more like telling him about our day then just spewing complaints at him. After my turn I make sure to ask him about his day, listen and respond to any issues that he may be dealing with. It's hard to find the time but even 3 or 4 times a week to just connect like that has made a difference. Oh and don't forget those date nights! We try for one a month- although I think we are overdue for one now!!

Doing these things have been helping me get through a frustrating time. I would love to hear any more suggestions on a happier marriage! Chef job aside- everyone has their own struggles, I know there is no perfect marriage, having community in other wives can be such an amazing thing.

Hello Monday: San Diego Adventures

We are continuing our weekly adventures! One of my favorite things to do in San Diego in springtime is visit the Safari Park during butterfly jungle season. It's so beautiful watching all the butterflies fly around and hoping to have one land on you. They do such an amazing job bringing this exhibit to the park each year. 

From last year. Can't believe how little my babies were!

It's so fun being able to take the kids again this year, they are getting to the age where they are really into the different things we are doing. A goal of mine this year was to get out and make memories. We've been doing a great job so far and will keep on being adventurous! 

If you are in the San Diego area- check out the Butterfly Jungle. It goes until April 27th!

10 reasons why I will not be pregnant this year

I love my kids, that's an obvious fact if you've seen any of my photos. I also used to want 8 kids, my husband negotiated me down to 4 before we got married and now I am currently wanting 3. Do I want that last one right now? Oh heck no.

I can hardly get through the day with the 2 I have, plus keep up with all the "wifey" duties AND that part time job I have on the side. Here's the top reasons why there better not be anything in my water anytime soon.

1. I can't even go to the bathroom alone, the littler one is always with me. He stares and makes things uncomfortable. Or he hands me a piece of toilet paper and tries to be helpful. Other times I get to the bathroom before he can follow me shut the door as fast as I can and it results in a scene right out of a horror movie where the killer has found you and sticks his hands under the door to let you know he's waiting...

2. Meals out are no longer a "take your time and enjoy the food you didn't have to make" event. It is now more like "Eat as fast as possible so that no one notices the mess that's being made" or "If we bribe them maybe we won't be 'those parents' and be able to have the quiet children for once." It usually ends with desperation and choosing to hand them whatever they want. 

3. Bedtimes are still a negotiation and I'm currently losing the argument each night.

4. After hours is not an exclusive club that only cool people can get in to. It's more like the hours between 11pm and 3am when the toddler of the house decides it's time to party. They take over your bed and want to snuggle (which means hit you in the face) while they slowly go back to sleep right before your alarm clock goes off.

5. Because my TV is currently being taken over by toddler friendly material... Can you tell me how to get a Curious George and a Superhero Squad while trying to find the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.. And while you're at it let's call Doc McStuffins because it seems like Olaf may have lost his butt.

6. These two brothers have a hard enough time getting along at the moment, why throw in another? We are just barely starting to not hit, bite, yell or (fill in the blank with some type of painful act) at each other for longer then a 20 minute time period.

Right now no one can gang up on anyone else, they've got an even playing field. Just give them a juice box and take them out on an adventure and they are besties in a second. 

7. I'm already outnumbered. They trump me when they decide to agree with one another and "gang up". I pick my battles and know when to say- nope not gonna fight it. There's only 2 right now so I can handle the madness when I absolutely have to, other days I choose to embrace the mess. 

8. Wardrobe changes are a little out of hand. With two boys under the age of 5 you would think getting dressed wouldn't be such a big deal. You would be wrong. If it doesn't have some sort of superhero on it, then forget about putting it on- and if it's the wrong superhero?! God help me. Who knew a 1 and a half year old would have an opinion on his clothing options!

9. I'm not ready for another baby because loving on and snuggling with 2 little men is so perfect that I can't imagine bringing in one more right now. I am the center of their world and even though at times the attachment phase makes me feel like I'm going to lose my mind, there are the good moments that remind me that it's my world that actually revolves around these two boys. 

10. I love watching my boys turn into little people, they are growing out of their baby phase and have an ever changing personality. I love that Noah is happy being laid back and wants to draw rather then run around crazy. While Lucas is our wild child that wants to be a superhero and would rather jump off something over and over for 20 minutes then sit next to me and relax. I want to soak that in and enjoy the littleness of them for a little longer. It's easy to forget that they won't be little forever. 

Plus they are so much fun.

For now I'll just borrow those chubby little babies from friends. Because yes there's highs and lows with a toddler and a preschooler in the house but I'm embracing the lifestyle with two littles. One day I'll have three (if we stick to the plan) and not enough hands! 

Finding a community

We were not meant to do life alone.

I crave company and love being surrounded by friends & family. I sit here writing this with my two little ones asleep upstairs and my house somewhat cleaned up. But barely an hour ago there were 2 other little boys running around and two amazing women sitting at my kitchen table. The laughter, talking, screaming, crying, yelling and over all loudness filled my heart with joy. The passion that poured out of these women drew me into their stories and connected me to the overwhelming feeling of not being alone in this.

I am not alone when my child is up in the middle of the night.
I am not alone when my toddler is testing every last inch of patience I have and I feel like I'm going to snap.
I am not alone when I feel like I haven't talked to another adult all day long.
I'm not alone if I am ready for the biggest glass of wine by the end of the day.

There are other moms out there that feel the exact same way I feel at almost every part of my day and when the loneliness feels like it's too much a text will pop up from another mom and she will pour into me. We share our day with each other. We share our highs, lows, funny stories. It's a safe place and it reminds me that we mean so much more to one another, more then we could even imagine.
Over a few glasses of wine, some good cheese and delicious pizza these women reminded me how important it is to surround yourself with constant support. From people who know and understand this season of life.
Remember to reach out to other people in your life that could be going through the same day to day that you are. They may be having the same thoughts, struggles and frustration. Even if they don't have any solutions to your problems I bet they can give you an equally ridiculous story that will make you laugh and leave you feeling lighter.